My hand turned me down
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
