either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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