I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
