Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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