fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
