You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
