i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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