i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
