I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
