My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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