I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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