You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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