Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
