if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Will exercising make me less horny?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
