no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
