Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
