You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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