Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
