I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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