No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
