whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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