it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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