So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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