Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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