You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
