i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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