Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
