dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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