i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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