just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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