I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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