i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
