His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
accomplished twins. life is a go
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
