you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
