im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
