I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
