a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
