The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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