Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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