I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
