Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
