he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my shit smells like andre
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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