no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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