Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All I want is dick and wine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
