I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
