my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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