i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
