woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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