One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
