We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
