who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
