i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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