You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
