You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
