I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
