so that wasnt chicken after all
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
