i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
