see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize