even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
