I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
