Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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