hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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