I looked at my own cervix.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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